Three years ago I booked an appointment with my doctor. I had been with my boyfriend for a few months and thought it wise to go to the doctors to choose a contraceptive that was right for me.
I was told to have a look through a leaflet but as this was my first time with any sort of contraceptive,the nurse thought it would be best to start me on the Depo-Provera injection. All I had to do was come to the doctors every 12 weeks and have an injection in my bum. Easy right?
So that’s what I did, for about a year.
I didn’t feel right, my self esteem had dropped massively, I wasn’t the confident girl I used to be, I was worried and I’d gained weight. I wanted to try something new, so off I went back to the doctors.
The nurse listened to my concerns and decided that I should go on the mini pill (Cerelle) this one was given to me as I suffer with migraines and was similar to the depo injection I’d had previously.
I took the pill and I didn’t have a period, ever. I still haven’t had a period. 3 years on, which you’d think would be great. You can wear dresses with no tights and never feel uncomfortable, never have to worry about starting your period while you’re out, lots of pros I guess.
However, again the cons outweighed the pros. I wasn’t the same person I was before. I was anxious about silly things. I’d ask the same question a few times to make sure I’d got it right in my head and I became sad, extremely sad. I was sad because my clothes didn’t fit me anymore because I’d put so much weight on. I was sad because I’d lost my confidence, my self esteem and I didn’t want to ever do anything. I was sad for reasons I couldn’t explain. I had no confidence and I no sex drive. I was quiet and shy and unsure. I was worried and frightened and over analysing things. It got to the point where I didn’t know if I’d always been this way. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know if there was ever a point in my life where I wouldn’t wish for the plans to be cancelled, or stay in bed and cry all day. I was crying too much and I was sad too often and I didn’t recognise what was me and what was the pill.
My hormones were all over the place, my anxiety and depression had enhanced within a very short period of time and I knew I needed to act fast before I did any more damage to myself and my mind.
The pill was reliable, easy and so convenient but it was ruining my life. I started researching and reading and realised others felt like me. I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only one to feel like everyone else’s life way playing in colour while mine was in slow motion and black and white. There was truth in what I’d been saying, what I’d been thinking. It must be the pill.
So a month ago I came off the pill. After what seems like a lifetime of tricky towards my body, I feel happier. I smile again, and I’m learning to love myself once more and enjoy life for what it is.
Some days I have felt the need for a huge chocolate consumption and I’ve cried at things that are really not worth the tears. Other days I’ve been in moods and felt feelings that I’ve not felt in months! I’m getting back to being me and it’s a new journey and I’m allowing my body to do what it needs to do.
I’m no where near where I need to be after a month, but they say time is a healer. 💙
I would love to hear about your similar experiences, please get in touch if you want to share! ☺️❤️
Spreading kindness always;