Can ex’s be friends?

I think so, yes.

I have friends that speak to their ex’s and I have friends that don’t.ย I have friends that want to speak to their ex’s but their partner doesn’t want them to. I have friends that are civil with their ex’s and I have friends that wish their ex’s were dead.

Now, I am one of the few that’s happy for my partner to speak to his ex’s. I am comfortable in our relationship, and most importantly I’m comfortable with myself enough to know that if he was to ever go back to his any of his ex’s, it would be his loss and not mine.

I am also one of the few that talk to my ex’s. I wish none of them any ill will, and I can appreciate the life lessons learnt from each and every relationship, and most of all, I’m grateful to them.

I have enough friends to count on one hand, and I feel like one of the richest people in the world because of it. Different people provide different friendships; I have friends for every feeling. The attachment that I have with my friends is a closeness that I cannot explain. I adore the people in my life and i’m incredibly loyal when it comes to them.

If you hate her, I hate her too girrrl.

Just like there are different kinds of friendships, there are different kinds of love.

Ancient Greek philosophers identified four forms of love: essentially,ย familial loveย (inย Greek,ย storge),ย friendly loveย (philia),ย romantic loveย (eros), andย divine loveย (agape).

One of my ex’s that I regularly speak to, I have known for years. We were friends before we were together and I value and care about her enormously. I appreciate the time we spent together and the love we had for one another, but as the years have passed, the love has turned from a romantic love (Eros) to a friendly love (Philia). I adore this person, like I do my other friends; I can laugh, and be honest, and be real with her. My attachment to this person is that of a close friend, we’ve learnt to take the best parts of our relationship and form an even stronger friendship. It works for us, as the feelings that we once shared for each other are no longer there.

However, it didn’t happen like this straight away. After we split up we still remained civil, but we needed some time apart to be able to understand what it was that we wanted from each other. It took a few years for us to both grow up, become better people and figure out if we added any actual value to each others lives. We’re now in a place where we’re able to catch up, have lunch and enjoy each other’s company.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I get it. When people talk about their partners being friends with their ex’s – I get it. I get the sense of urgency to want to run away from the situation and avoid even thinking about it, never mind speaking about it! We feel unsure, and insecure. We project it straight back to us and ask ourselves what does this mean?

But as we get older, we need to be realistic with our relationships and what we expect from one another and being honest with each other is the key to a successful relationship.

Thanks for reading.

Lots of Love, Lilly. x

 

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